Friday, May 25, 2012

Can you take my old baggage, please?

 In my last post (Bullies: You can take the group out of high school, but not the high school out of the group) I told you about a post that I wrote on my high school  class  facebook page  inviting everyone  to read my blog posts.  The reaction from one woman was  off the charts, angry, self righteous and downright nasty. It became a feeding frenzy and the group mentality kicked it up ten notches and they were off and running.  The roar of the beast was quelled only after I posted a heartfelt apology.

Now, good readers, I'm THAT woman who if I'm on the road and someone flips me the bird for some unknown reason, I feel the need to catch up to the car and explain whatever moving crime I had just committed, was absolutely not premeditated.  So needless to say, after this women's reaction I felt the urge to reach out  and find out what was behind all that indignation and outrage.

It finally came out that she said that my "group" in high school  was mean to her and she felt bullied. Huh?? First of all, I don't want to say EXACTLY how many years have gone by, but most of my classmates have adult children by now.  I didn't have a group in school, I was pretty much  friends with mostly everyone  I got along with the greasers (yeah we really did call them that) and the jocks, the quiet studious kids as well as the potheads. After a few facebook messages danced back and forth, she realized that she had mistaken me for someone else and meekly apologized.  But it got me thinking. . . 

Are we all carrying around emotional baggage that we should have given up years ago?

I thought long and hard about it and  realized I too am holding on to painful baggage that I should have kicked to the curb decades ago No matter how much I hope, wish or rewrite history, my father was not and will never be that dad that every little girl looks up to. He was and still is, an angry, paranoid man and I was never his little girl. Period. Not time, therapy or Armageddon will ever change that. So what are my choices?  Should I hold on to the dream that one day my dad as I know him, will vanish and in his place would magically be dropped from the heavens, a man deserving of the title Father Of The Year?  Or should I take a deep breathe and face reality?

So, here  I am left with accepting the truth that my old baggage, tightly held together by years of pain and blame, should have been thrown out decades ago. It's not hurting him, he doesn't even know that it exists.  As a matter of fact, right after my mother died, he asked me "You had a good childhood, didn't you?"  I knew that whatever I said next would be a defining moment in my life.  BUT I CAVED, good readers, I really did. I weakly shook my head yes.  At that moment, my inner child wanted to beat the shit out of me, I'm sure of it!

Today, here and now I am making a commitment to find the nearest emotional garbage can, take out my cobweb entangled baggage and DUMP IT.  Today I am setting myself free. I sincerely hope my old classmate can do the same.
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Alison is the award-winning author of The Lily Lockwood Series: The Seeds of a Daisy and soon to be published The Silver Cord.

The Seeds of a Daisy is available paperback and digital download: Amazon, and iTunes


  1. You are actually winning this battle Alison. Actually...This war may be over. Once again, That which does not kill us makes us stronger. Much Love, See you soon DD

  2. Thanks DD. The amazing thing is how many wonderful things came out of this one weird experience. Light and love!

  3. fabulous blog post! I LOVE YOU.

  4. Big love for this blog post. You are onto someting my friend. xxxooo

  5. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. It proves what a brave and strong woman you are (which I always knew). You are such an amazing and caring person and I hope that this brings you the release and peace that I know you need and deserve. I am truly glad that you came back into my life.

  6. Your mother found qualities in your father that she knew would become part of her kids' DNA. Embrace her wisdom, even if you never comprehend it.

  7. I see a message in there somewhere for me…..I think I shall take out the garbage tomorrow….it is getting pretty smelly in here!!! Love your blog Alison….thank you for the eye opener!! oxo

  8. thanks for all your wonderful comments. It means the world to me. Light and love !!